Hurricane Tuesday

每一天这么过那么过，有没有时候让你想回某一个曾经？

有时候看到某一些人，回想起记忆中的他们。一颦一笑，他们现在会在哪里。开始有很多如果浮出脑海。如果当初选择另一条路，如果我们没有改变。世上唯一不改变的是神的爱，真的。因为曾经夸下海口说永不改变的自己，都改变了。变得那么快，那么彻底。以前天天与我把酒欢的好兄弟，现在呢？电话簿里的号码，就算打通了，另一头还是那些人吗？微信时不时都提醒，A friend of yours has just joined Wechat。看了看，电话号码是一样的，但是头像却陌生了。连自己都不能相信，还有谁能让我屈服？我再也不说永远，我说，不到最后不会知道。

有时候听到人们口中分享的话，想起自己曾经也走过的路，曾经那么渴望有人可以给我一些建议、有人可以听我说。也许是骄傲，更像是自卑，自己喜欢的，想要的，都埋葬了。就因为大人不会看好的。亲戚朋友眼中的乖巧温顺的外壳，里面却是藏了多少想要叛逆的心。直到今天，性格已经扭曲了。报喜不报忧，这是什么道理。迟到的心情，错过了。

忘记了很多事情，很多日子，也曾经以为自己永远不可能忘记。人到底是人，日子久了，就忘了。痛苦了，就忘了。幸福了，也忘了。什么事情让你清晰记到现在？放下了，就会忘了。

曾经曾经。

好想回到过去。还好已经过去。

你是哪一种？

啊，原来是今天啊。

Hurricane Tuesday - Losing

To me, things as well.

How does it feel, when you get something you exchange the whole world for? It comes silently, without any sign and when you realize, it is already there. Or is it a big surprise, which nearly gives you heart attack of trimph? And you never know you can be so thrilled to have it. What is it? A birthday surprise? A puppy pet? A friend visiting you from miles away? An iPhone? Food vouchers (lol)?

How does it feel, then, when you lose something you wish the least to be gone? You pray so hard, asking God to see through you, how strong is the desire, your faintest prayer for it to stay. You can't sleep, you can't eat, you have nobody to tell because nobody can understand why you want it so much. You ask for too much, you forget. When it is gone, maybe you will doubt why doesn't God answer your prayers, you have already prayed with everything you have, or why, are your friends not praying together with you? Why can't they understand?

The very last time I felt so miserable was when I thought God was dead. That was quite a few years back. But then things somehow happened and I revived. I am even stronger than before when I was already firm. And I never feel hopeless every again. Never ever again. I guess this is the most valuable lesson that I learnt over the years, there is always hope. I am not saying that I don't feel losing anymore, I do, I still do, what is different now is that I know at that point, it is not the end. Yet.

I guess I am doing fine. Of course there was a period of time I was afraid to be left alone. Nightmares always come knocking when somebody is alone. I felt insecure still and I longed for accompany every second of those days. Couldn't really sleep well, food tasted nothing. I knew I was just going through a period and I knew it was going to be fine, but still, I just needed somebody there. There were not many, but suffice.

Losing is not really losing, if you know it is not the end.

Hurricane Tuesday - Storm

Am constantly haunted by feelings and that brings me the inner storm. Maybe this isn't right, but i will just let it be. Obnoxious.

I have changed. People change. Perhaps the life was intruded by someone something that was meant to trespass the life, and then everything just got messed up. World was turned upside down, and it's cynical that I used to just watch from the other side. When it came, I was helpless. Storms left eventually, but mess remains. Somewhere is not right anymore, and it never will be right anymore. I hide, more than I show. I never want my family to worry about me, my friends to make fun of me. Sometimes I do pity them, those who really care, because it must be tedious hanging around me.

Poker face plastic heart.

You don't know how little I see myself. The cube is so small and it surprised me when I learnt what it meant. You say me full of confidence, you see me painting colours, but you don't get to see the storms. Raging, you will be terrified. I will be envious of the whole world, because I will no longer think I am capable of anything. I think I have nothing worth. Everything I have, poof, just gone out of sight. Just a dust. And at time like this, I always choose to sleep away all the storms. I want to be left alone, I refuse to speak, I look at you in a disgusted way. You will not want to stay, you will want to leave. And so you leave, and so I am alone, on my own. And then, I will lay down and look at the ceiling as if it is not there. As if I can see the whole galaxy. As if. And then I will fall asleep.

When I finally wake up from the mishaps, perhaps some chasing and struggling in my reverie, I wake up with the new me.

You will never see me whining over the same matter again.

I no longer need you for this again.

Hurricane Tuesday - Pay Day

Pay day.

Usually falls on one or two days before the month ends, or on the 1st of every month. And I will be like the thing in the gif above. Sadly, that lasts for a few days before I have to transfer money out to pay debts. Lucky for me, study loan was waived, thats a few hundred bucks there. I still remember when I tried to renew my passport last year, I was notified by the immigration officer that he could not proceed with my renewal application because I was blacklisted, I owed the government 1k plus. Was not really surprised knowing this, government is slow in everything you can think of, though I had received the letter that my loan was waived long before I went for renewal. Had to go down to PTPTN branch and barked at the, apparently, interns there. Showed them every piece of document I had, and they promised to me this mad lady it would be resolved as soon as the next day. Sometimes you just gotta act mad, even if you don't really feel mad, to push things further.

One debt down, 83957 more to come.

Car loan, internet bill, telephone bill, water bill, electric bill, insurance and many other unknown bills. Electric bill hiked up to 80+ last month, with only 2 persons in the house. It is usually 40+. For the first time in my life, I switched on air con every night without setting timer for the whole one month. That is where the extra 40+ came from.

FAMA fund. Father and mother fund, which you must contribute, or you will burn in hell. Joking, I don't get to decide if you will burn in hell or you will live a lonesome life ever since.

Tithe. At least one tenth of your total earnings. You may consider adding in EPF too. I actually got friends commenting that maybe it's a little bit too much, the money I give? I feel fine, it's not really my money anyway, strictly speaking. Just returning with gratitude.

And I have forced myself to save an amount of money every month.

Screw all the debts, I am lucky enough to have this job. After years of hard savings every month, finally, I manage to treat myself McDonald's lunch without having to consider no-money-to-survive--the-last-few-days dilemma. Again, joking, booo. I treat myself McDonald's whenever I want to. What I mean is, I finally, somewhat, can buy things I want to buy. Just bought an oven last few weeks. Time to rock the kitchen. Bought a web hosting too, just consider myself fortunate to have interest in something. Friends actually encouraged me to start up some freelances. Come on.

Money can be a good servant, but never a good master. I love money, because it can help me to achieve a lot of things that only money can do. But bear in mind that, never ever let such thing dethrone the one who gives you everything, including money.

Work hard, play hard, save hard, spend hard, give hard, and give thanks.

Hurricane Tuesday

Finally, another episode of Hurricane Tuesday.

I am currently on a diet plan, well, no plan, just diet. I have never really got into diet before, not seriously, because I am never a patient person. I speed while I drive, I complain when the traffic is slow, I mock when my friends are slow, and they make fun of me when I complete things fast. What?! Lol. This time, I try to make it last.

What triggers the urge to be on diet? Well, one part of it, wedding. I think everybody has this thought, to look the best on the wedding day. Of course, me too, not because it is my wedding day, rather, I see it because it is the day I will make the holy promise to God and to my husband. The concept is like you dress the best for a very important event, yeah. As simple as that.

Another part is the consciousness of realizing myself looking rounder and rounder. I dont mind the digits on the scale, I really dont, but I do mind myself looking rounder. Although most of the time, looking rounder does mean big digits on the scale but not all the time. I got heavier and heavier ever since I started doing sports. Do that mean I look rounder? Nah, at that time. I had sports on and off recently because sometimes I was not free at the sport slot or I was away from town and sometimes, Auntie Red came knocking on the door. I grow rounder but digits stay. Yeah so, all the girls' dream, to look fit and healthy.

My 2nd sister is on diet too. If you knew her before, she was ginormous. I am sorry for using this word, a little hyperbolic, I am just trying to let you know shes fat before. Very. Plus, shes tall, which, makes her even more ginormous. hahaha. But she slim down very much. Urgh sometimes I really envy those ppl, who can slim down real fast. *eye roll* If you havent seen her yet, you should.

I think most probably I will fail this diet plan is because of the food temptation. How can somebody resist food? How can somebody resist delicious food? How can? I like to eat, because that is one of the ways making myself happy. I eat good food, I happy, everybody happy. Now, I just needa control.

Hurricane Tuesday

Blogging in the office. Nice employee.

How time flies, huh. 30th September already, my month is ending and I havent got it enough! I still can remember how my birthday passed last year, and here i am again, another year older. Well, with a little of the biggest surprise ever. *wink*

Jun came to visit me last weekend, and I must say, I have had the best weekends of all lololol. Because i could have just stayed at home 2 days straight at home, rotting and waiting only time for food hunting. Really, nothing is fascinating after you got settled down. Next Monday is a holiday, I wanna to shop all the shopping malls in JB then hahahahah. Anyway, Jun and I went to the Bon Odori festival, a Japanese cultural festival in JB. It is here annually, and it just so happened to be here the weekend Jun came to visit me hahhaha.

And then last night, we went to Taman Pelangi La Gourmet for this gigantic fruit ice.

Initially wanting to have this, but this impossible mission cannot be completed by only 4 of us.
 Photo credits : http://kamikakijalan2makan2.blogspot.com/2014/01/la-gourmet-tamna-pelangi-johor-bahru.html 

So instead of the Mango Ice Towel, we have this fruit ice towel hahahah. only one la.
Photo credits : https://www.facebook.com/LaGourmetDesserts

Anway, just a short update about me. Feeling guilty because of the loud keyboard typing sound in the office, when everybody knows I have absolutely nothing to do.

Ciao. Hurricane Tuesday is it.

Hurricane Tuesday

Hurricane Tuesday

a quick update in the office while everybody else is out for lunch. im not boycotted, its just that i need to go to the nearby hospital for medicine. its mean and selfish to ask them to go with me everyday, right? and the colleagues are so nice that they have to ask everyday in case i dont need to go to hospital suddenly one day.
plus, the department is closed at 1pm and reopens at 2. so i can only eat at 130 and rush to hospital for my dose and then rush back again for work.
another half day passed. im seeing bright future for this sem to end.
office light illumination is so perfect that it makes me look flawless lol. and my laptop camera definately needs some cleaning work. the photo looks so noisy!
okay i gotta go now before boss blast in lol.

Hurricane Tuesday

must be carrying at least 8 kittens, isnt it? Mother, the magical word of all.

Hurricane Tuesday

wake up, love. its time to go back.

yes you are right, this week's Hurricane Tuesday is about leaving.

i have nothing much to say about this. its just another leaving. i got passed through it for the past three years and i got pretty used to it already. im still very lazy to move my ass away from dramas (im watching a new drama called Once Upon A Time, fyi only) to pack my things. i always say i have nothing much to pack when my mum nagged about me doing things the last minute about a week ago, but it always comes to me that my things cant actually fit into my luggage. what the hell. i supersized my luggage this time up to 25kg (lol), despite things that boyfie asked me to bring over, i dont have to worry my luggage will be overweighted.

2 and a half months spent at home. please die of jealousy because i got the longest holiday of all lol. days count and you cant actually realize time is slipping away just like that when youre at home. everything is prepared. meals are cooked, beds are set. 

i cant complain about home fattening stuffs too, although i didnt really change my meal routine or digest more fattening fast food. i just grew fatter. so fat. i miss when i was a skeleton lol. so thin that you can never imagine i actually got that thin just 2 months ago by looking at me now. parents are pleased im rounder.

there were, of course, times when i couldnt wait to hop on a plane and back to jb. times when conflicts and misunderstandings happened at home. im proud of myself, to be frank, because i whined to no one when false accusations were on me and digested them all all very well over a night. peace lover, i am. but its unhealthy, maybe next time, ill whine a little. lol.

ive been counting, days im gonna get back to school, or work, this time and tonight is the last night here. just like before, complicated feelings. i want to stay home but its not gonna be forever. i want to be in jb but i dont like waking up at 6am. thats so far the only thing i hate about life in jb. yeah boyfie is expecting me there but i actually called and cried to my mum when i was hitting 40ºC fever back in April instead of boyfie. why? thats because family knows me best, still.

i reckon ive already got over the whole i-dont-wanna-leave-home thing after spending three years flying come and forth. but ill still miss home.

see you again, somewhere around in January next year.
until then, xoxo.

So im still in time for Hurricane Tuesday.

GAHAHAHA I WONDER IF MY SISTERS THINK SO TOO!!

Hurricane Tuesday

lets have some thoughts about life today.

as i was lying on the bed last night, thoughts struck. as always. time passed. my 2 months holiday is coming to an end so soon, as in about a month time. lol it may seem long to you, but trust me, it seems to me as if i just got off the plane yesterday, ready to enjoy my long long holiday.

so is the time of my life. i was 10, dreaming of the day to be 15. i was 15, hoping the time would turn faster so i could celebrate my break free day on 18th birthday. obnoxious and greedy. and now im 22, strictly speaking 23, to realize no matter what i do, i cant hold back time.

i started to hope for slower moving time immediately the moment i turned 18. i started to say i feel old, started to say i should stop having the childish manners. and most importantly, i started to cherish, to appreciate every second i live each day. so i fell in love, fell out of love again, went to college, made mistakes, dreamt really big that they were mostly impossible to achieve. i wasted a lot of time. waste time of dreaming instead of pursuing. now, maybe you will wonder why should time be wasted on things like those? come to think of it again, what should time be wasted on then?

you prone to saying youre old as you grow up, i used to say that too, but i stop saying so now. dont deny me, i am still young, very very young. i havent even got off the first 25 years in my life! whats gotten into me that i keep telling myself that im old, when i should be enjoying the best time of my life? i am young and ready to make mistakes. why should i spend time of feeling or saying myself old, when all the ladies are envious of me being 23?

if i were to have daughters in the future, ill be so envious of them in their 20s. so young, so energetic, so prone to mistakes, so dangerous. ill still be envious because by that time, i will be a 50-year-old mama. thats so much different compared to a 20s young lady. no matter how i say my heart doesnt age, i do age.

time is a scary thing. it slips without you knowing it and when you realize that, its already long gone. theres nothing you can do to get it back. even if you already realized its leaving, there is again nothing you can do to stop it from getting away. something you cannot control.

well, since time is going to be wasted way anyway, whats your bet for your time to be wasted on?

Hurricane Tuesday

到了明天

好吗

有时候，我羡慕好多人。羡慕他们的自我，羡慕他们的勇气，羡慕他们能看清周围的一切，冷静思考，我也一样能，但是我最终的决定也不一定能让我觉得我是真的想要的。羡慕他们的潇洒，做完一件事就sak了，不像我还是会回想当初是不是真的应该那么做。羡慕他们的骄傲。羡慕他们能够开心时可以真的开心地发神经，伤心时哭得一把眼泪一把鼻涕，lol 丑死了。我尽量不要让自己变得讨人厌，因为我看到很多很多连我自己都不喜欢的款，我不要让自己变得那样。但是有时候，不是自己体会，我又怎么知道呢？一样尊重他们，因为他们勇敢做自己。那也是我很羡慕的。我只知道，我不要让别人因为自己不开心。每一个人。尽管自己不愿意，尽管自己会伤心。我知道我很奇怪，但是也没什么奇怪嘛。谁吃饱没事做要让全世界的人看着你上演肥皂剧啊？白痴。有时候，明明知道他们的心酸，我却什么都不能给，我才知道自己的渺小。我已经没有什么能够给的了。那让我觉得有些许寂寞。有很多疑问，我也不敢问，他们也一定不会告诉我的。不想麻烦到别人，但是如果不麻烦他们就不能成事，矛盾死，最后也只能自己一个人烦恼。烦恼时又会想来相去，想到一些不关联的事，最后做什么都没有心情了。我知道我自己想什么，我不要说，他们也不用懂，可能他们会觉得我很假，但是我自己知道那些都是真的。我不要等下我说出来，然后被人shoot死，我告诉你，那时候我会觉得心痛死。就让它那样吧，我才不在乎别人的不了解。像wendy说的，伤心的时候，会觉得很闷，又痛，但是又不知道哪里痛。我一样没办法不让眼泪掉下，一样没办法觉得自己没用。我受伤过，也一样伤害过，我该怎么样补偿他们呢？我不知道。我又能给他们什么？以前，会想不要长大懂事那该有多好，不会品尝到那种苦涩与痛。但是现在，我想要让自己学会更能够再更坚强。眼泪该停了。那样，好吗？

喂，看了就算了。okay bo?

Shouts

to the big coolest guy above,
i have told you absolutely everything about me and you always shower me with much blessings. i believe in you and thats why you reward me with your love. you watch over me, no matter in times of good or bad. though sometimes suicidal thought strikes, you show me theres another way for me. you know what i have been through, and what im going through. nobody else sees the struggle the pain but you do. you see everything in every angle and you judge whatever i do. every action in this world bears a consequence i learn it and i keep it. i love you. and always, thank you. =)
with much love,
limyi

Shouts

sfound this on facebook

this is so sweet

watching this, im in love too

i want a proposal that way too

我也要 我也要 我也要 我也要 ROFL!

lets get married babe!

i like the skiing part the best
i bet you fellas will feel that way too *winks*

happy lantern festival

yes i actually played the paper lantern
alone
but who cares
i was happy
=)

忘记

一个人在家，埋头苦干
啃下了三课，抬头
才发现原来早上那么努力
只为了忘记自己是一个人
午餐时间
一个人看着一大锅鸡汤
还以为会高兴没有人会和我抢鸡腿
但原来
想找个人一起吃午餐也难
下午家里
热死人
却也
空荡荡

update:
下午2.26
一个人在房间
风扇的声音好大声
咻咻咻
下雨了打雷了轰轰轰
遮住了耳朵
还是一个人