Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

礼物

早上梦到了家里刚刚死去的狗 昌珉
梦到爸爸那时发给我的短讯说他心情低落因为他刚刚埋葬了陪伴我们四年的狗
爸爸又怎么不伤心呢 也许比我们任何一个人都舍不得
昌珉最粘爸爸了 每次爸爸妈妈到花园里 昌珉一定抢着坐在他身边 他怀里
每次帮昌珉洗澡是 它总是挣扎 但是如果是爸爸 它一定乖乖地站着给爸爸洗 不用铁链锁
要自己帮已经没有气息的昌珉挖洞 放它进去 再用泥土盖著它 爸爸会是多么的伤心
死亡 可怕吗
它让人永远分离 永远都不能再看到 碰到死去的人 甚至与期待也显得你太傻
就像在港剧《天与地》里 家明死了 但是三十年来 ah yan 是怎么走过来
三十年后 ah yan 还是会放声大哭 因为她永远都不能再感受到家明了
一夜之间 家明就完完全全从她生活中烟消云散 一点都不能再留下
婆婆去世的时候 我没能见她最后一面 二十年来从来没有想过有一天她会离开
后知后觉
最后一次见她 她奄奄一息 痛苦困难地想多吸一口气 胸口每吸一口气都疼痛 那时谁都不再认得
在她去世后 妹妹说大家在葬礼上都哭了 孩子孙子曾孙
在我忙着渐渐长大的同时 我是忘记了父母也在渐渐地老去
我知道每一个人都会有死去的一天 我的父母有一天也会离开 我不断地在想 到了那一天我是不是会后悔我没有时间给我的父母 我是不是还会记得妈妈在我身体虚弱事为我熬的汤 爸爸在我第一次发工资给他一部分钱却被退回还附加一封鼓励的信
我还有多少时间能够给他们 不对 我应该问
我还有什么能够给他们
死亡 可怕吗
我怕的 是我的后知后觉

in another life.

 

i intended to blog about this for a few days already but i did not because i just couldnt find the words to describe my feelings towards this music video. so i just left it there, since lawrence had both posted this song on his blog too. but then just a moment ago i took a peek on shihao's blog and i saw him blogging about his music video too, his description of the video is just so close to my feelings.

"At the beginning Katy is seen as an old lady reminiscing the pastime with her lost love, portrayed by Diego Luna. The story progresses with how they have good times dancing and painting together and get matching wing tattoos (which were also shown on the old Katy and the boyfriend).

Towards the end they have a fight. He leaves her and gets into a lethal accident thinking about her. This beautiful yet saddening video ends with the old Katy standing at the cliffside thinking about the one that got away.


Awwwwwww that’s like continuation of Thinking Of You."


taken from another site :

"Driving very distraught, Diego takes his eyes off the road for 1 second, mistakenly swerves his car off course and tragically plunges it into a ravine. He... doesn't make it! As the video comes to a close, Grandma Katy sheds a tear as she stands at the edge of the very same cliff that took her one true love."

tatoo-ing
will you remember the crazy things we did when we get old?

 can you still sketch each and every one of their lines?
 have you ever tried waking up, hoping to see the familiar face again?

 thought of giving everything to touch and kiss them again?

 playback by yourself to have them back?

Sometimes you promise someone forever but it doesn’t work out that way. The past is like a handful of dust; it filters through your fingers, disappearing little by little. I wish, for one day, I could go back. In another life, I would do things differently.


i cant play the music video for the second time. i really cannot.

♛

this is gonna be a real packed post. im so lazy to update my days in different separated post so i just dumped all the pictures and stories here.


百果腐竹甜点

 yesterday i had a day out with my friends before they went back home for sem break. i planned for home, but the plan was forced to change for the violin performance during my church camp which falls on this sem break. kinda regret but whatever, what is done is done.
this seems to be the first proper day out since i came here. everybody is so crazy with the projects and assignments and tests, you sometimes can even see my coursemates pulling hair, zombie-ing into my room and cried for a break. yeah, sem 3 is kinda hard, with all the projects knocking at your door.
back to the topic, we went to city square, just a overhead bridge beyond singapore. planned for a movie, In time. but, for a shopaholic like me, the very first thing i saw once i stepped my foot into the mall is, THERE WERE SALES FOR SUMMIT AND FABIANO RICCO SHOES! *screaming* i acted really fast, grabbed a pair of shoes instantly. semi-spartan typo. i never really realised its semi-spartan until i wore it later. == this shoes makes my feet smexy yeah.

a very nice movie, i must say. live forever or die trying. im not gonna talk about the synopsis of this movie here because i want you to save it until you watch the movie.


justin timberlake, before this i could only imagine him with the other N'sync members, or singing alone in his girls stripping music videos. after the movie, he seems a little bit more handsome to me. says who singers cant act? terms and conditions applied, only foreign singers.
as for amy seyfried, she is so gorgeous in the movie, unlike when you saw her in the movie Jennifer's Body where shes with that hair and that look, you cant imagine its really her starring the movie, standing beside justin. she looks totally different from the movie Letters to Juliet too, absolutely stunning.

movie tickets. its weekday so i paid 10 bucks for an 2 hour movie. totally worth it for In Time.
the movie showing time was at 1220 and we were done buying tickets at 11 so we figured that theres a huge need to feed ourselves first before the show.
went kenny rogers but the waitress said we needed to wait extra 50 minutes for the chicken to be roasted just fine. lady, i can swallow you in less than 30 minutes. went SDS after that, quite a smart choice, the food was delicious. not very, but satisfying.

changed new shoes immediately after i sat down. what a bitch.


finally the foods here. yum! nom nom nom. *satisfied* :D








if you realised, my friends are snappers. curi curi ambil gambar. i could look better if it wasnt because of your curi curi act! trolololololol


shopping time after the movie. gah i was crazy again. bought a lot of things.
bought some presents too for the camp angelic action. the gifts were.... lame. pilot C4. i know its nothing but i figure that i would be thrilled if i get C4 as a present. hehehhe.

thats all for my day out. update is that im going to camp tomorrow until wednesday.
do not miss me or ill eat you.
AAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!
secondary camera photo quality is bad.

last but not least, if you care, its about my personal feelings. nothing good is good these few days. is overwhelmed by gloomy clouds for over weeks. and finally i crumpled down when i was acknowledged that my dear little changming has gone back home. as in, the real home.
why must everybody leave in the end? there is no forever talk.
forever is over.

♛


fml.

grief

I do this with him every night. I take the urn to bed with me and i talk to him about my day. 16 years, I've been asking him for advices, and, and waiting to hear his laugh, and for him to tell me that he loves me. And he never does. And he never will.

-- Mrs. Hudson, Glee

have you ever lost someone so dearly, in peace, that at some certain nights, you find yourself waking up from dreams, soaking wet in cold sweats, weeping silently, because you just had a very wonderful, yet never-going-to-come-true dream about him?
have you ever really stepped into the land in your deepest corner of your heart, felt the pain, broken down and let tears overflow, ever since hes gone like, forever?
even if you know he left for the goods.
to end suffers and to rest in God's arms.
grief.
ever since he left, all i do is cry.

♛

hello world. it has been about one week plus since i last updated this bloody blog. one week. has it been that long? my chatbox is burst with messages pestering me to update update and update. patrick claimed that my blog was ranked the second among his most visited sites. okay, wow. i really didnt have the american time since i joined the xin chun expo group in my university. well the be more exact, the buzy time started since the first day the school reopened, about this xin chun thing. oh i was elected as vice group leader which brought both storms and rainbows to my university first year life. one comment: my team rocks. from preparation until the event night, im impressed (proud) take a look at these photos.

presenting my group leader, ah leong
typically kl-ian, walks fast, talks fast
not to mention about his stylessss
faint but fun

aw batoni
the sao ye from ktr cafe
cute kid, emotion swifts rapidly, smiles a lot

below are the working photos

ong wen teng
cute and petite

mei king. hui fong
38 pos hahhaha

having mee cup as breakfast
woke up extraordinary early that day for work
aiks those days contribute to my eye bags


prisoners from jail
arent they crazy hahah

working on the roof design
the biggest satisfaction
ah leong talked a lot while we worked
tui mu

the main gate plate

these little tanglungs gave my girls headache

oh dear shu ping


that morning yawned a lot
hungry tired painful

shelly aka guo tiao has got talent!

so much work, so much fun

these sticking works gave me black eyes

kang jing and the girls
i was impressed by his design the architect

the sporting guy
asked for shoots while his friends were busy hiding
wei lun

HHAHAHAHAH
this photo reminds me of the something ridiculous we did that day
• click here •
click the above link to access to my roommate's blog for more information




the final work of the 剪纸 work
13 dianssss hahaha



these are our name tags for committee members
to be hanged by the belt

below are our masterpieces








tanglungs made by tauke chen
handled them with much much care because tauke chen is bossy

arranging the small decorations

and the final work
there were lots of this kind of small tanglungs
never deny their existances during cny

this was made based on the theme 长城
again, by tauke chen


both of these drew by kang jing and the ktr girls group
when i was away
fabulous work

drew by a given artist, kong meng
finished the whole painting by himself for one and a half day only
zzz scarily talented

梅花林 by ktr girls group



three paintings to be hanged by ong wen teng

and below are the photos of the event night


oh my gate


guo tian and ong wen teng
cute picture

lim kim seng
aka king scout




aiks missed angle















having late late late dinner



my team, my babes

and lastly, the whole expo group photo :D

took two days to edit this post. and eventually i got lazy for the caption and so i skipped some haha. nice experience but gotta swear that i wont join again. its freaking tired and too overwhelming for such lazy person. fought through complains and obstacles. its coming to an end. promised celebration by ah leong, looking forward to it.

extra: my aunt claimed that she received a missed call from my grandma's house phone (my next door). in fact, nobody stays in the house since she left. my daddy heard and saw tap water running one evening. thats what my grandma used to do. old ladies forget. i received a call from someone yesterday afternoon. but it got hanged up once i said hello. all these give me goosebumps even until now, even its daytime now. but if its really her, why should we be scared? she just misses us, but its time to go. again, i miss her. :(