Hurricane Tuesday

Sometimes, I really don't care about anything. I don't care people saying I am arrogant. I don't care about you feeling sick or weird. I don't care about your tears. I don't care about your anger either. I just don't care.

There are times when I don't feel like caring. Times when I think people are just making efforts out of rumours. Times when I think you are just faking pains. It is normal if you think that you are deserved to be treated real nicely, because you treated me fine. Yes it is quite accurate, in fact, but is it not my choice, whether I want to treat you the same way? I may treat you colder, but I also may treat you even nicer. That choice remains mine.

I agree that we should do people good, but it has come to me that most take things for granted as well. Like when I am on road, I will never ever be tolerate with those drivers who cut queue. Who the hell are you that I must let you cut in front of me? Is it my responsibility to let you in, just because you put on signal light and because you want to get in? Is it my fault when we got into accidents when I refuse to let you in but you just decide to bulk in?

I remember once my friend asked how did I handle social media flirts. Tbh, I don't know either. Not only I am not popular enough to get this kind of flirts, but it is also because I filter my friend list. I don't accept friend requests from those whom I do not feel like accepting. That makes sense, right? You don't wanna leak your whereabouts and photos and information about yourself to total strangers. However, sometimes, I don't accept friend requests from those I know too. Just because I don't want to.

Sorry, but I am this impudent and I don't given a shit if youre saying I am small hearted. I should have a bigger heart. Yes I should definitely. But that is none of your business. Really.

What I wanna say, after all, is that the choice is mine. You have yours, I have mine. And I dont reckon I need your kind advice to tell me I should behave the way exactly like you will, or like you wish. Because we are all different in a same way. You don't want somebody to tell what you should react to certain situations, do you?

And maybe you just cannot get used to me being so mean, but I am not changing. I know there are spaces I can improve myself to be so much better than I am right now, but just not this. I stay arrogant to a certain extend, and I will still stay the same, until one day when I decide I should change on this.

Just so you know.


p/s: In the photo, le bff Patrick, calming down a restless naughty bride.

Passion

I will be bombarding my blog with a lot of photos of my wedding day. William helped me to take so many nice photos and I think it will be such a waste if I don't upload them somewhere, but I don't feel like creating an album in Facebook and just dump all the photos up to that album. That way, I don't feel people sharing my joy. Maybe I still will be creating an album for that, but I am also going to write blog posts like this one, and the previous one, and the previous previous one, so that you guys can read something about that photo, so that you guys can learn about my life, my friends, my family through these photos.

Reading and writing, reading and writing. It is always been in me that I wanna write. More and more and more. Just sometimes I don't have the leisure time for this. I blog during office hours, often short ones. I enjoy writing, and words attract me so very much I can spend a night reading them. Don't underestimate me, I actually read all of Xiaxue's wordy and lengthy blog posts. Aha.

Found a really really nice and inspiring Christian blog, JarridWilson. Have a sweet time reading. :D

When I feel like writing, I will just write.

And I do hope you guys enjoy.

我容易吗我？！

到这里两个星期了，差不多每一天时间到不是煮饭就是洗衣。快活吗？没工作的日子。是觉得还不错啦，不过时间就那么“咻”一下，没了。无法避免的啦，就算知道该珍惜时间，珍惜也珍惜了，时间还是飞快地从指尖溜走了。留不住。

大家问起在家干嘛勒，我回答洗衣煮饭扫地，大家笑成一团。很奇怪吗。我真的是在家洗衣煮饭扫地嘛。大家都不相信我那么居家吧，人人都看我花瓶一个，当我告诉他们我的生活时，换来总是惊讶的语气。有那么点小小的骄傲吧？惊讶我会喝酒但是从没泡过bar；惊讶我吃少少但是会下厨；惊讶我人小小但是会亲自搬重东西；惊讶我前阵子生病住院但是可以连打两个小时的羽球；惊讶我看似小姐样但是会爬山，还爬得很快。朋友们，是时候多了解了解我了。

今天有人竟然对我说，以为我是叛逆、拒绝下厨型女子，纳尼？！晴天霹雳了一下下。

今天晚了煮午餐，太投入于漫画，漏了时间。下午两点多才煮好。煮太多了，我要养肥一直瘦巴巴的猴子，算是不错了吧我的挑战。

我喜欢下厨，喜欢弄自己喜欢的东西吃。而且，我比较prefer自己一个人霸占整个厨房。有些时候让我不下厨的原因是因为有其他人占了厨房的空间。我，很奇怪吧？我厨艺不精，像个小孩在厨房忙到满身是汗，但是我很开心，很有成就感。我，很难理解吧？别怀疑，我真的喜欢弄东西吃，虽然食物做出来了我不一定会吃，但是我喜欢那个过程，好像生了自己的孩子一样。我不在乎你喜不喜欢我做的食物，我不在乎它好不好吃，但是我喜欢看到自己的成果，挑战新的做法，新的食物。我，很潇洒吧？:B

po了上面的照片给朋友们看，个个都告诉我终于可以嫁了。额哼，额哼，终于是什么意思？还有为什么连接到婚嫁。我说啊，嫁什么呀，谈一辈子的恋爱不好么？我要谈一辈子的恋爱，呵呵。可是小鱼说如果我谈一辈子的恋爱，她就没干儿子，干女儿了。你丫，就这么吧我卖了么？萧男难伺候啊，你又不是不知道。

萧男真的很难伺候，我从没遇过那么蘑菇的男子，千挑万选却选上了。不吃茄子，不吃番茄，不吃意大利面，不吃番茄酱，偏偏都是我最爱吃的。苦瓜汤只喝汤不吃苦瓜，我也不吃苦瓜的啊，难道买苦瓜来煮了汤，把苦瓜丢掉？浪费死了。稍微老了点的菜不吃，过夜的剩菜不吃，早上太多不吃，稍微漏风（受潮，哈哈）的饼干不吃，紫菜不吃，生的没煮过的黄瓜不吃，稍微辣的吃了马上跑厕所，不能喝咖啡，不能太饿，不能太饱，不能太累，不然统统不吃。

你说，我容易吗我？

今天生了闷气，发了张煮了太多的晚餐给萧男，威胁他一定要把菜吃光光。

 我才不管他三七二十一，没吃完自己看着办。照片里番茄炒蛋是我的午餐，没他的份。

下星期起就不常煮了，慢慢怀念吧你！噗！

Simle!

shine!

sometimes i really do wish i know how to smile to cameras. maybe it is nothing to you, but its awkward for me. i dont really know how to smile to pose to camera. off camera, i am always like HAHAHAHHAHA so i need not to worry about smiling. it is impossible to HAHAHA to camera, right? it will be like youre trying to swallow the air HAHAHHA. oops. i envy those people who are photogenic, youre so loved by the cameras!

this photo was taken a few weeks ago in a cafe, four of us, William, me, Daisy and Mei Yee. look at this photo, look at my friends, look at me. wtf was i doing? hahahha was i even smiling? lol my friends looked so fine, William and Daisy showed teeth, and even Mei Yee without teeth, they looked gooooooood. i was like an ugly duckling sitting there, saddening over all my teeth jatuh, become mongeh (a person with no teeth), but still needed to force a smile to the camera. LOLOLOLOL. i envy them, i freaking envy all of them, especially Daisy, she always looks so so so fine in photos. urgh. *sad ugly duckling whimpering*

this photo was taken in Pulau Batam, Indonesia, in April when we were having mid semester break. 7 girls of us, Susan, Singmin, Diana, yours truly, Doris, Siong Kiong and Lily. all girls had their teeth on, and again, i was a mongeh ugly duckling hahaha. they all nailed the photo, especially Siong Kiong, omg im gonna die of envy hahahah. no, just kidding. i just wish i could look better in smile.

these two photos, i did not show photos. i dont wanna scare anybody with my teeth. they are fine but the face muscles are just not compatible with my teeth. i do try to pose with teeth, and then this is what i got.

*ugly duckling whimpers even more*

but i do nail it with cool pose. William experimented on me, taking photos of me smiling to the camera and not smiling with camera. he concluded that im better with the cool pose haha.

well, am i not? =目

青草

瞧瞧青草的生命力。

下了两天的雨，大大小小，草地恢复绿油油！

我是太闷了嘛，没什么心思要做功课，看看大自然也不赖。好啦，做功课叻，拜。

Short update

i wanna go traveling so much, as near as maybe Kuching, but its always a problem when it comes to companionship or accommodation. i always feel like im wasting away my holidays. all i ever do at home is to eat, sleep and shit.

wake up every morning at 10, go back to bed again at 1pm after lunch. im like, only awake when it is time to fetch my sister to and from work. damn. when i wake up at 11, ill skip my breakfast and wait until daddy comes back home at 12 something and then we will have lunch together. thats then my mum will start all the naggings until my fatty sister begs me to eat because she cant stand all the naggings, even though they are not addressed to her.

mum is a superwoman in nagging. im not complaining.

i wish i could go to work too, sometimes only lah, to earn a few hundreds bucks but my folks forbid me from doing so. they said its tiring and my body is not capable of the fatigue. they want me to stay at home and grow some meat because im never fat enough for them. when i say never i really mean never. i admit i was a skeleton before, even my boyfie hated to meet me up, but im back to normal shape now, though i still dont understand why the weight wont go up. all clothes start to fit again.

i wont want to go out when im in Sibu during daytime. Sibu is an old town. even the entertainment smells old to me. no nice and affordable food, ridiculously priced boutiques, even supermarkets are boring. not to mention its scorching hot outside. i think ill just stay in.

so now my another added entertainment at home is these arcade games, Diner Dash-es, Cake Mania and etm. wtf and im enjoying it!

Random

i have another paper tomorrow but im not in the mood for that.
yeah i posted a status in Facebook, 为什么没看过别人po好有心情读书的？ because seriously i have never read anything about anyone feeling so good because he just had the perfect study session.
i guess nobody likes studying, but i constantly receive comments from working people that they envy us because all we students do are just studying and taking tests. thats all.
enjoy life besides the three weeks examination week, including study week.

well drop that. the purpose i blog today is because, i wish somebody can speak english to me, constanly.
i think i slurred relatively well, with a little bit of Americano and English accent combined. i watch a lot of English movies, and i recite when i read English books. i thought everybody did that and i was no special of any kind.
i did not know i could speak English until i was 16, when Madam Maria put me into a public speaking competition. she sensed me lack of confidence, i reckon, and put up a record of me practising the speech. i was amazed, is that me? lol. 6 minutes of speech and i sounded like an ABC.
i put the competition low. i felt awkward because i had never gone to any competition and had never really got the attention.
but somehow, my classmates started to pay attention to me because if im not mistaken, i got full marks for the English Oral test in school.
awkward, i still remember Dennis suggesting me to communicate in English with Ruby. whaaaatttttt? ignored him by the way haha.

things got really low and when i came into university, there were a lot of presentations in the past semesters. i received compliments, and i was happy for them.
there was this time when a random Egyptian approached me in the car park, complimenting on English speaking tone or whatever.
'for years im in this faculty and ive never heard anybody speaking such English like you!'
awkward! i feel him being hyperbolic. he was my classmate in a subject for a semester.

of course, im happy with the compliments, but i just feel that im not actually quite there yet.
like if theres a person who can speak so fluently in English, the first impression will not be bad. thats beneficial in workplace. and i wish i can be so.
i realize i slip tongue always, like how i slipped several times during my final year project presentation half month ago.
and i guess, that requires practising everyday. so i recite more and more, when im alone in my room reading story books.
perfectionism.
so i wish for somebody to practise with, but i think ill feel awkward speaking English to ppl i know. GAHAHAHHAHA. i think, unless you were once in the class, which requires presentations, with me, my friends have never heard me speaking in English.
are you one of them?
bye bye.

Convocation Dream

this weekend until Monday is the convocation day for the graduates in UTM.
the whole campus is full of vehicles starting even on Wednesday afternoon. graduates started to pour in to prepare for their convocation day, lending Jubah, arranging time for photo studio, hotel was booked months ago though.
my roommate's boyfriend is graduating today too.
so i knew quite well how things are going to be hahah updated first hand information from my roommate.
she started to buy graduation flowers, anak patung and even ordered graduation Sticky sweets for her boy.
gosh business is flying high everywhere. and one thing i never understand is that, why anak patung? zzz i would rather get a water bottle than anak patung.
okay, weird me.
i went to church for fellowship this morning.
shes still sleeping when i stepped out of the door.
i actually dont like her being in room during weekend because i have to attend church fellowship on saturday and church mass on sunday morning and i have to tiptoe all the way just not to wake her up. -___-
i cant even switch on the lights.
ah back to the topic.
when i came back room at about 12 noon, shes already out.
i saw her little black dress gone, saw cosmetics on her table, i even saw used mask.
wao haha.
the weather was quite fine for the morning session graduates. windy with no big sun.
they could take photos freely without having to worry about the sun.
it usually rains these days in the afternoon so i was quite worry if it rains in the afternoon, i couldnt go to my CG leader's convocation.
i went to nap, hoping it wont rain.
but i was awake by the thunderstorm noise.
maybe God isnt in good mood these days.
打雷打到没有人有 -______- of course i cant attend his convocation liao /.\

i cant imagine myself graduating.
its not far from now, 2 years is just in a blink of an eye.
but i just cant bring myself to imagine myself in Jubah.
i read that, mostly on facebook, a lot of ppl wish to graduate too.
but not me.
maybe ill be financial independence then, but what i lose will be the precious time.
24/7 worrying about work, projects, boss, colleagues, nah. but bo bian lah!
working and worrying about bread isnt my type. but that day still will come, someday 2 years from now. but then i may be continue my study in Master. lol so far away from work.
oh well, maybe i will change in 2 years time.

anyway, happy convocation! lol taken this photo from UTM academic website.