Showing posts with label for God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label for God. Show all posts

Hurricane Tuesday - Pay Day

Pay day.

Usually falls on one or two days before the month ends, or on the 1st of every month. And I will be like the thing in the gif above. Sadly, that lasts for a few days before I have to transfer money out to pay debts. Lucky for me, study loan was waived, thats a few hundred bucks there. I still remember when I tried to renew my passport last year, I was notified by the immigration officer that he could not proceed with my renewal application because I was blacklisted, I owed the government 1k plus. Was not really surprised knowing this, government is slow in everything you can think of, though I had received the letter that my loan was waived long before I went for renewal. Had to go down to PTPTN branch and barked at the, apparently, interns there. Showed them every piece of document I had, and they promised to me this mad lady it would be resolved as soon as the next day. Sometimes you just gotta act mad, even if you don't really feel mad, to push things further.

One debt down, 83957 more to come.

Car loan, internet bill, telephone bill, water bill, electric bill, insurance and many other unknown bills. Electric bill hiked up to 80+ last month, with only 2 persons in the house. It is usually 40+. For the first time in my life, I switched on air con every night without setting timer for the whole one month. That is where the extra 40+ came from.

FAMA fund. Father and mother fund, which you must contribute, or you will burn in hell. Joking, I don't get to decide if you will burn in hell or you will live a lonesome life ever since.

Tithe. At least one tenth of your total earnings. You may consider adding in EPF too. I actually got friends commenting that maybe it's a little bit too much, the money I give? I feel fine, it's not really my money anyway, strictly speaking. Just returning with gratitude.

And I have forced myself to save an amount of money every month.

Screw all the debts, I am lucky enough to have this job. After years of hard savings every month, finally, I manage to treat myself McDonald's lunch without having to consider no-money-to-survive--the-last-few-days dilemma. Again, joking, booo. I treat myself McDonald's whenever I want to. What I mean is, I finally, somewhat, can buy things I want to buy. Just bought an oven last few weeks. Time to rock the kitchen. Bought a web hosting too, just consider myself fortunate to have interest in something. Friends actually encouraged me to start up some freelances. Come on.

Money can be a good servant, but never a good master. I love money, because it can help me to achieve a lot of things that only money can do. But bear in mind that, never ever let such thing dethrone the one who gives you everything, including money.

Work hard, play hard, save hard, spend hard, give hard, and give thanks.

感恩的事

结果还是被催搞了。照片懒得 filter,我就来哈拉几句交帐。就来讲我现在的工作吧。

其实一开始要去 interview 的不是这一间公司。那时候呢,我人在沙捞越请工,有一间回复我了但是要我尽快上班。那时候是2014年8月头吧,我自己是打九九月开工的。那间公司回复我说要面试的时候我就打了机票要回来了,我就回复说我打算九月才开工,那件公司就回复我那就算了吧,我们等不到那么久。有点无言,机票都打了,真是的。原本在想机票就浪费了,结果我老板就打电话给我了。而且也愿意等我九月开工。这份工是六月我师兄介绍的,六月就发了 resume,到了八月才得空回复我。也刚好是我开始找工作的时候。祂的时间就是那么准确,就是那么对。

然后呢,在我试用期的三个月时间,老板要每天进出新加坡,所以很少回到公司的。我呢,就那样在公司翘脚翘掉了三个月。看了三个月的漫画,听了三个月的歌,玩了三个月的游戏,写了三个月的部落格。三个月过去了,就那样过了试用期。刚刚起步的时候做的一些工是还好,让我印象最深刻的是熬夜到半夜三点钟,为了一个我生平没看过没学过的 programming language,vb.net。.NET啊,开玩笑。我大学是都在尽情享受大学生涯,谁懂什么东东。还好我妈妈把我生得聪明出类拔萃哈哈哈哈哈,开个玩笑嘛。总之就是熬了一天半夜三点钟后,情况改善了。也很感恩同事人超好超有耐心哈哈哈哈哈。她都不懂在脑海里杀了我多少次。

一直以来都蛮满意我的这份工,别的不说,光是自由工作时间这一点我非常喜欢。虽然说我平常还是照着普通别人上班的时间上班,但是我觉得我有很大的自由。一天照样八个小时,但是那八个小时你自己选。我呢,就宁愿早去早回,晚上有多一点自己的时间。另外,假期无论是落于星期六还是星期日都有补假,补到星期一,所以我下个星期一放假哟,因为明天是假期。全世界都没补假,只有我一个人在家不用烦蓝色星期一。特别假期也是有,像上个星期六晚上柔佛足球队 Johor Southern Tiger 踢赢了冠军,所以第二天星期天放假。我公司没补到星期一放,不过人人都有多一天年假。真是羡慕死萧先生。另外只要你有充分的理由,你可以向老板说一声在家做工。我有几个同事就是在家做,我呢就免了。家里很热,而且如果我呆在家我难保午餐都会懒惰去吃,久而久之肚子会坏掉。有保险;一年有几百块的 travel benefit;几百块的 extra 零用钱;一年年假14天,一年后多加一天,加到最多21天。OT没钱的,不过可以换假期。工作量呢,我是觉得还好,朋友们都觉得我上班都在翘脚,因为我随传随到吗?科科。当然也是有忙的时候,不过就是觉得应付得来就对了。

老板人也是超好,很捍卫员工和我们的福利。我们每一年都要填那种公司 survey 来关心你的需要。一年两次,我觉得这个 survey 是我工作上最大的难题。哈哈哈哈因为他问的那种问题真的是考功夫回答,而且我对工作环境也没什么很大的意见,但是每一题都必须填,真是考倒人。我还记得上一次我抱怨了,因为我之前的工作座位是背对窗口,太阳很大反射在我的电脑荧幕上,我说我眼睛要瞎了,第二天老板就打电话找人来装上暗色的窗帘,吓死宝宝了,宝宝只是夸大了自己的烦恼,老板几认真,害我几不好意思。还有一次是问你觉得公司还有哪一些方面需要改进?天啊这种问题怎么回答啊,不填又不能去下一题。我就随便填了,希望能够得到高层更多的鼓励以及对工作能力方面的肯定。老板又是认真了。会私下 skype 我那种鼓励的话,天啊多么不好意思哈哈哈哈哈。

工作了快两年了,最近有点增加工作量,我做的大多是新加坡的客户。所以我觉得我还是很廉价哈哈哈哈哈哈。公司总行在新加坡,新加坡大老板赚的是新币,付我的是马币,我大老板还真是有生意头脑。新加坡客户有一些真的是 ^&*()(*@*#!!!*#*?":<{}(@))(#* 请自动消音。我只能说,这世界上什么人都有。有时候做到很生气,老板也会 skype 我说对不起,天啊老板,不要这样哈哈哈哈哈,客户是鬼都不是你的错。我这个人讲话也很不客气,客户有时候就是被我酸,酸到不敢回复了,科科。我有时候在公司也是翘脚玩 Candy Crush,看漫画,或者 Viwawa。唉,真的别以为老板什么都不懂,他只是不说。不过就是这个好,只要工做出来,他也不会干涉太多。有时候我都没有做足八个小时就回家了。Shh。

说了这么多,其实我就只是想讲我很感恩。感恩有一位爱我的上帝为我预备了最最适合我的工作。我永记得在我做对决定让上帝为我做决定时,那份祝福是大大超出我所应该得到的。

好了,写了那么多,又是放工的时间了。一个星期又过去了,迎来开心的周末。下个星期一放假哟,别来烦我。拜。

爱情白皮书

今天早上上班前破天荒地打开了面子书。其实觉得面子书没什么好看的,一直到最近更新了,影视会自己播放,那也稍微增加了我逗留面子书的时间。有些影视真的太牛,我忍不住不看呀哈哈哈。

今早滑到了一个影视。头头看得时候觉得好夸张,一定在演戏。他是一个中国节目,寻人节目吧,还是告白节目之类的。前阵子看到的是正室和小三争夺一个花心男。这次看到的却是一个寻找妻子多年的丈夫。妻子得了面部皮肤衰老症,从一个二十几岁的花容面貌,一夜之间变成了八十岁的老奶奶。妻子不想因为自己的面容拖累丈夫,想离婚,但是丈夫不愿意,她就抛下丈夫和两个孩子离家出走了。试问我自己,如果和丈夫出门被人误会是他妈妈,抱着孩子被人误会是他们的奶奶,我可不可以?大家都说萧先生像个18岁小男孩,虽然我没被说是姐弟恋,但是如果被说姐弟恋我会气死。毕竟大家都知道萧先生是个老男人。呀哈哈哈哈。回归正题,总之,妻子不愿意回家了。

我起初真的以为这个节目只是在演戏,也也许真的是在演戏,但是那个女子一讲话把我吓坏了。根本是个年轻女子的声音!镜头也有照到她的手,天啊,其难杂症。

看了好心酸。不论是男的女的,都在意自己的容貌。用尽了方法保住青春面貌,但是终究是要老去的。用姣好面貌换来的东西也终究会失去,因为美丽不永久,时间太短暂,肉体太脆弱。我也不是说不需要去追求这些东西,我只是觉得不必太强求了。那个妻子虽然失去了美丽,但是她的丈夫多久都愿意寻找她,直到寻见为止。失去了容貌,爱情却还在。那个妻子说,我们从不能体会她的感受,从不能知道她的痛苦,是的,从来没有失去过,我又能怎么体会感受?但是主持人也说得好好。她又能凭什么可以因为这个理由变得高尚,而身边的人要饱受其他人唾弃?人是群体生物,人终究也是会遇见其他人。当妻子离开家里后,往后遇见的人,知道她的遭遇,会如何看待她的丈夫?

人呢爱放大痛苦,看不见祝福。别说别人,我也一样。处处觉得别人不会懂自己的感受,却也忘了自己也不能懂其他人的感受,也无意间伤害了好多人。相处之道好难好难。

影视最后有一段妻子告白的时光。妻子还是劝说丈夫放手,去找自己的一个世界,一个没有她的世界,但是显然,语气弱了许多。丈夫冲上前来紧紧握住妻子的手,说不会放弃,大声说不会放手,语气相对的强了许多。拥抱了,就退场了。应该是大团圆结局吧。

2016年才开始,我的三角恋也开始慢慢萌芽。我不会说放下自己,毕竟人生短暂,主角不是自己还会是谁。但是多看别人我是赞同的。多为他想一想,也多思考天父的心意。我也希望他能多为我想一想,一起携手引向天父的赐福。

但愿

亲爱的天父,你是何等奇妙。
你知晓我的软弱,你懂得我的无助。
你盼望我的亲近交托,我却迟迟心里刚硬。
一直到我走投无路,我方忆起你的慈爱怜悯。
天父,我是那么地渺小,天地都在你的手中。
人心着急的,你都知道。
 你听我祷告,就算你知道那是我在死荫幽谷里放手一搏的赌注。
你慈爱,你公义。
在末世来临之前,但愿我紧紧抓牢你的应许。
但愿在天地都过去之前,我伸手握牢你的赐福。
但愿我今后倒空我的一生所有,为你圣洁。

The Amazing Creation

Solar system has always been a catch to me. Galaxy, solar systems, the planets, the moons, the stars, everything. Every time I get to know more about this amazing creation, the only feeling that I have is to want to praise God in every way I can. To create such wonderful things, He must be of real power. To create these is not all, it is even marvelous to know He actually makes them operate in a way that everything, so many stars, so many planets, in sync. The 9 planets orbit around the Sun. 9 and they never collide into one another. They are always in place, because of the gravity of the Sun, it keeps the planets in their orbits. Never trespass, never intrude. Some said if there exists another force in the space, they may collide if the force happens to pull them off the orbits.

But no, if God says no.

Last night, Mr. Siaw literally rushed into the room (he was outside or downstairs doing his work) telling me that his company's partner invited them all over to watch the sky at 5am. News had it, the solar system was all set to give a celestial show. Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Mars and Jupiter will be visible from Earth when they appear in a diagonal line on 20 Jan. It’s the first time the five bright planets, so called as they can usually be seen easily with the naked eye, have aligned in such a way in more than 10 years. I never really bother this kind of thing, provided that telescope is nowhere I can reach. And its 5am hes talking about, you know how much I value my sleeping quality. At first, I said no. But Mr. Siaw kept pestering me with his puppy eyes, he wanted to see it and so I said fine. Kinda romantic anyway.

The alarms rang at 4.15am, and he couldn't even get up. I woke up first, I had to smack him here and there so as to wake him up. Watch the sky, he said. Pfff. When we were all ready to head to his partner's house, it was already around 4.40am. We rushed all the way down to his house, and was just in time for the planets at 5am. It was cloudy this morning, very very cloudy. Even with the best telescope all set up, GPS all adjusted, the planets were shy. All the stars and planets were covered by thick clouds. At first I was a little bit disappointed, I sacrificed my sleeping time, after all. But I silently prayed in my heart, God I wanna see your creation. Then, it started to drizzle. Major disappointment. I was in his office, thought I couldn't see anything tonight.

But, slowly, the clouds faded.

I saw Mars first. Mr. Ooi said Mars was actually a little disappointment, because there was nothing special about it, except it was in orange-red colour. The colour is the result of iron rusting on the surface of the Mars. You can actually see it with your naked eyes, the colour, if you compare it to the others.

After Mars, we waited so long until we finally saw Jupiter. Jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system, about 11 times larger than Earth. It is indeed the largest shining object you can see with your naked eyes. It was so bright when I saw it, and I even saw 4 moons, two at the top, two at the bottom of the Jupiter. Mr. Ooi said Jupiter had at least 67 moons. Bet i saw the 4 largest ones?

I have no photos with me, so I think I might as well draw it out hahahhaa. I don't care if you think my drawing is bad. The 4 black dots there are the moons I saw this morning. They were all shining very brightly so I added yellow lines to show they shined hahahhaha. I still don't care if you think the drawing is super bad. The two grey areas are the belts.

After Jupiter we waited very very long time for Venus. We actually saw it with our naked eyes when we had the telescope set to see Jupiter. It was very very bright too. Mr. Ooi took out his handphone, woa his phone, there was something like a scanner. He scanned through the sky and that apps, he said it was Google Sky, it told where the planets were, even the constellation stars. After we were done with Jupiter, the Venus was covered by the thick clouds again. While waiting, I noticed there was another object shining real bright at the South East direction of Jupiter, I asked if that was another planet. Mr. Ooi said the planets were in one line. They never go to the other part of the sky. They always, so called rise, from the east, and set at the west. What I saw was probably another constellation star.

We waited for a real long time in his office for the clouds to fade. It was around 530am to 6am already when Mr. Ooi said we probably had to try the other day. We went out intend to tidy up when I looked up to the sky, I saw the freaking Venus finally. LOL. We quickly adjusted the telescope and everything and finally Venus. They said women came from Venus, maybe thats why I felt something when I looked at it? hahahhahah it was nothing special too. Just a very very bright planet.

Saturn was the one I was most excited to see, because I think it is the most special planet with rings around the planet. That reminded me of the taiwan movie Meteor Garden ahahahhaa. Dao Ming Si and Shang Cai. Dao Ming Si gave his beloved a Saturn necklace ma. I really thought we were not gonna see it this morning, since by the time we finished with Venus, it was almost 650am already, and the Sun began to rise. However, fate still favours me.
This is close to what I saw this morning, except of the colours. It has 2 rings, 3 actually. And I even saw its largest moon, Titan, somewhere at the top left of Saturn. It is indeed pretty, is it not? Lucky that I still manage to google one close to what I saw hahhaha.

That was all for this morning. Mr. Ooi said Mercury was dangerous to see, because it is too close to the Sun and one can easily got blinded by the Sun if you accidentally see the Sun through telescope. Literally blind.

So how was it? Isn't it amazing? I came back home to sleep la of course lol. Although I couldn't manage to take any photo of these planets, but I reckon it will be the most beautiful creation I ever see.

♛

上帝的孩子是蒙福的,我是蒙福的。
一直以来,总有一招能够化所有问题为乌有,我总是屡试不爽,却也总是在面对问题时最看不到的方法。
工作了一年多,你说没工作压力那是骗人的。如果没压力,那我看也不需要再继续了。对我来说,没压力是一件难求的事。不论是在大学赶毕业论文的时候,住院的时候,还是现在工作的时候。我很努力回想我压力的时候是怎样的心情,很努力很努力,但是总觉得现在已经不能感受到那时候的心情了。免不了觉得压力个屁嘛,小事一桩。我也有我的压力,但是时间不会很长,一个月已经是超长的了。在我压力的时候,我不会去登报纸,可能会偷偷告诉朋友们我的压力,但是没几个会知道,就算知道了,也已经是压力后期了。
你说呀,你还有个萧先生和你分担,压力就减半啦。我只能说,我太了解这个男子,了解到我用膝盖想都知道如果我告诉他,他的反应会是如何。他的回答会是,小事啊。
前一阵子,我面对工作极大的压力,也是到目前为止人生中最漫长的压力日子。每天起床我会坐在被窝里,反反复复心里呐喊不想去上班,天天都在希望今天是星期五那该有多好。晚上在被窝里,我不刷feed,我看着天花板,思考自己是否从一开始就做错了选择。那种日子好漫长,没人倾诉,不会倾诉。每次看着萧先生都必须装作正常,言语间不能透漏半点压力。一半压力也原始于他,他是个很能干的人。你说有多能干就有多能干。刻苦耐劳,上到山下油锅。这样一个人,压力会是多大呢。不懂,不知道,我只知道,自己和他相比,渺小的像一粒沙。所以我没告诉他,他不该多操一份心。他也会觉得我很多余,根本小事一桩,烦得哭爹喊娘。
有天晚上,也许到了极限吧,我在朋友群组里发了我好孤单的字眼,就去睡了。朋友们不知所措,从来我是最没有压力的一个。朋友说,为什么不和萧先生分担呢。我关掉电话。暗暗的房间里,我自己一个人。我想起了爱我的上帝。一个月也不是说没祷告过,天天祷告,但是却还把包袱背在自己身上。那一夜,我完全放弃了。放弃了自己的努力,也有些歇斯底里了。我说,你到底要我学习什么呢?什么都好,我不想再理了,你能解决,你来解决。大哭了一场,就睡去了。那晚睡得特别香甜。第二天依然去上班,问题就那样解决了。我不懂为何,但是就那样问题消失了。
第二天晚上,我告诉了萧先生我的烦恼与压力,如我所料,他说是个小问题。芝麻绿豆小事,他问我怎么解决的。我说就那样解决了。不需要你,就解决了。他或许是有些吓到了吧,发现,在我很苦恼的时候,他一点蛛丝马迹都不知道,也有点内疚想哭吧,在我需要的时候,他不在也不知道。我呢,就一切泰然。还好我靠的不是他。
放弃,也许并不是一件坏事。放弃努力,放弃自己,只管让上帝来解决。
对于婚礼,我也只管放弃。毕竟,最重要的,我已经抓住了。

♛

从没想过自己会这么地被爱着。从没想过会拥有如此伟大却也简单的爱。
从没认真相信过,暴风雨后真的会有彩虹。风吹起的时候,从没想过有谁可以依靠。
可是当初就这么蒙着眼,瞎着心,就那样过着。
我多次曾经在眼泪中告诉别人,我的生命就像是被重新翻开了新的一页;白纸被划花了的那一页,并没有消失,但是生命却不一样地被赋予新的一页。
干干净净,重新来过,重新爱过。
别人总说,过去的罪恶总会来敲门,哥利亚的脚步声总会响起,特别特别是在又黑又深的夜里。
但是我不会。
过去的已经过去,是真真切切地已经过去。看不清前面的路,总有很多懊悔埋怨的声音在耳边心里响起,但是我依然是这么相信着的。
过去了。
因为在那一次的眼泪中,我们约定,我不会再看后面,你会带我翱翔。
像彩虹一样的约定,永不改变,永不褪色,永不背弃。
或许过程中会有很多人事物,会让我像以色列人刚出埃及埋怨摩西一样,怨声四起,怨着,求着,可不可以放弃。
但我不放弃,因为我认识我抓住的那一双手,因为我知道背着我那宽敞温柔的背后。
世人看不透我,看不见我的改变,我依然灰心失望。纵然如此,我不会再跌倒。
因为这一次,我只看见你。


♛

In times that I think I can no longer walk further, I am stressed. I fall. I dont know who, I dont know where to tell. I stop and listen. I weep, praying for more strength. I know You want nothing as half, You want whole, You demand for whole faith. I am weak, that is why I feel hard. You will always be there, I know. Grant me faith, the faith just like the priests had when they crossed Jordan river.

You said, You will take care of everything, I just have to step one step to front.

I know now, and I will.

♛

Have had a really tiring week.
It does not matter about the other people, what I need to look upon, there is only You.
I am not with much gold, but You love me as much.
I am not pretty, not even good looking, but You love me as who I am.
I do not know many things, I know nothing, but You comfort me still.
I have nothing that I can offer you, as much as You give me, but You still give.
I am blessed blissfully.
All that, because of You.

祢

多少次,我钉祢在十字架上,你流血为我流泪,我却盲了。
多少次,我哭泣萎缩在被窝里,我说,我什么都没有了,我却忘记祢。
我的世界里,太多声音太潮杂,我听漏了祢的声音。
祢告诉我别再走这条路,我为你预备更好的,我听不见祢;听到了,我却还是任性求你成全我。
祢告诉我,慢慢等候我的时间,我听不见祢;听见了,固执地要祢马上给我。
我遗漏了太多,我记不起你的声音,我看不见你的帮助。
我骄傲只看见自己,我可以拥有世界所有。
我自夸,我主栽我的生命。
祢要我看你,祢要我听见你,所以祢拿走了我以为我可以依靠的所有。
祢逼我正视祢,祢逼我面对你,因为我已经走得太远,因为祢爱我。
几年旷野路难走,因为我偏离太多。
我痛苦万分,世界没有依赖。
多少次,我求祢带我回去,像原先以色列人在红海边缘埋怨为何出埃及,要求要回头。
我埋怨,为何要拿走一切。我说,看我夜夜哭泣,是祢要的吗?
我却看不见,祢比我更痛。我却看不见,祢比我更难。
祢逼我,逼我正视祢,我再也无处可逃。
我一直推开你,不愿见祢,祢没丢弃我,祢教导我,再一次,我看见祢,我听见祢。
我说,我不愿再回头看埃及,只要祢愿意,求祢带我翱翔,进入迦南美地。
红海分开了。
一边黑暗,一边发光,终夜两下不得相近。(埃14:20)
越了红海,我建立信心。久久,建立了骄傲。

多少时候,心中那团火熊熊燃烧,我觉得我想要给祢什么,我张开我的手,我看我自己,我却发现没有什么能够给你,我什么都没有。
多少时候,我多么想回应祢那份大大无私的爱,我说,我在这里,我只有一个人,其他什么都没有,请祢用我。然而,却也发现我亏欠祢太多太多,太多。
我不敢言语,我不敢看祢,祢给我所有一切我需要的,很多时候我却退缩。
我说,我不能。我说,我不愿意。
求祢再次让我遇见祢,粉碎我的骄傲。我赤身出母胎,祢给我太多我所不配拥有的。
这么多爱护,这么多教导,我也只能说谢谢。
我愿将自己分别为圣,倒空我的生命,只要叫人透过我看见祢大大的荣耀。

Pray For MH370

cant feel even heavier.

No time for others, no time for blaming, no time for competition to see who will get the plane first.
Don't know anything, can do nothing. So just pray.

Prayer has the strongest power.
Don't believe it? Try it.

Hurricane Tuesday

slow down, sometimes.

♛

这次马来西亚选举,备受世界的瞩目。台湾,香港,韩国和其他国家都有报导我们的选举。连Google昨天的主题也是马来西亚的选举。
五月五真的给所有知识份子,无论是华人,马来人,印度人,土著,我想都有一定的伤害。虽然我不知道停电和各样所谓的BX魔术是不是真的,但是也不难看穿。
我昨晚很早就睡了,我没有等到官方成绩出炉,虽然我也情绪高涨,很紧张想见证改朝换代的时刻,但是晚睡不好啊。更何况我是个得了麻烦病的病人。妈妈会骂我的。
早上起来看到大家Facebook的照片都换成了黑色,代表着告别马来西亚的民主,我不免感到心疼。我爱我的国家,纵使有很多鬼在执政,但是这是我的国家。我出生成长在这里,从小到大耳里脑里学习到的都是关于马来西亚。我从来没想过要移民,纵使新加坡离我那么近,因为马来西亚从来就是上帝眷顾的国家。我们那么靠近活火山地带,却没有一个活火山在马来西亚。更别说我们逃过了海啸的攻击。
去年,全世界都在为马来西亚祷告,在上个星期五晚上祷告会,大家都为了选举而禁食祷告,更为了下一任的政府祷告。祷告的力量是大的,让国政继续执政,也必定有 祂的旨意。所以,我不会把我Facebook的照片换成黑色,因为我相信,就像武勇说的,上帝仍然掌权!

♛

很多男人,虽然有女友,却依然开着门缝,给追求者留有希望。一个好男人,在有女朋友后,应该像紧锁的门,不管外面美女怎么敲门,都毫不动摇。好男人是不会有暧昧的,因为没给人希望。也不会有前女友纠缠,因为早断的干干净净。所以找男人,就要找能给自己美好,却不给别人留希望的人。

there is always rainbow after thunderstorm.
God, thank you. so much better than many.
im so grateful. so so so grateful.

Christmas!

Merry Christmas! hows your Christmas eve? mine?
i went to Singapore, heading down to Orchard Road for Christmas decoration.
was kinda disappointed, we should have gone at night because they played a lot with lights and lights are only on at nights.
anyway, nice trip with the girls!
i actually intended to buy myself a Christmas pressie, a Marc Jacobs watch but you know la, i dislike the situation that when i shop, they keep quiet and in the hearts thinking 'what a rich girl' zzz im not rich, i save for it hoh. still gonna get it anyway but next time, shop alone.
i took no pictures except the stores lol.










this is the only Christmas tree i saw in Singapore.
so huge, there are two bells inside where you can pull the strings hanging from the bells to the floor and then the bells will go like ding ding ding ding.
so Christmas aromatic!


i stayed in room at Christmas eve night and watched drama until i forgot my bedtime. slept at 1am woke up at 630am to get ready for church.
it started at 10am but all the performing packs would need to arrive before 745am lol
i felt like an artist the whole mass, rushing and changing clothes several times for different performance.
i think the audience would respond like, HOW COME THIS GIRL LAGI! SHE JUST PERFORMED!
lol yeah its like besides the sermon, you could see me involved in every performance.
picture before the mass by Ivy.
this is my church. can you spot me on the stage?
neh on the right side the one with the red tee lol so small!
was so happy because there were a lot of new friends willing to accept Jesus Christ as their saviour!
PTL!

morning ended like that, came back to room in the afternoon to find out that my block short circuited and i was forced to nap without fan.
didnt matter much without the fan because its windy and chilling outside. so then, i fell asleep and woke up 2 hours later.
i wanted to pee so much but there were so many guys outside at the corridor and i was scared lol.
yeah i was, the whole block is quite empty, given that its study week now.
empty and dark, with lots of ma lak lou outside.
so i tahan my pee la lol, if you know the feeling, damn.
oh so dark! it was raining so, so cold!

electricity was back at about 6pm, ah finally i could pee

next is to the Christmas pressie!
i dont usually get Christmas pressents from friends or family but this year i got three!

the first one was from my coursemate.
she actually didnt intend to give me this at the first place. thought of giving to me right after she chop off her hair hahah.
lucky me! i love this very much


next its from my church friend.
i was actually merely complimenting his shirt because i found it very cute.
and then, he said he would give me that and he really did! omg so many angels *fly fly fly*
it very very large, can fit 4-5 me, but i still love it very much!


third, its from my boyfie.
he didnt give me flowers or what lol he gave me an Apple software, Mountain Lion.
ive been craving for it for about 3 months and i actually wanted to make it my Christmas pressie for myself haha.
bought it from App Store using his account, yay!
i gave him a power bank btw.
 

so, Christmas is all about sharing. how was yours? :)

掌上明珠 大海里沉睡的珍珠

 
我看見上帝的印記 我聽見上帝的旨意
我願意俯服敬拜你 我願意歌舞頌揚你
一切都是你的美意 從此不再有心無力
求主賜下流奶與蜜 引領我至迦南美地.
主阿 我是你的掌上明珠
大海裡沉睡的珍珠
雖然經過流淚之谷 在曠野裡得蒙救贖
主阿我是你的掌上明珠
大海裡甦醒的珍珠
我願用盡我的全部 誠心所願 單單順服。

friday!

today i am in a very good mood, waking up to see the sun shining. 
days there were no sun and kept raining like for 6 hours minimum per day and i was so fed up of the cold weather. the chill in the air makes me into a coughing ah mu.
and finally, the sun shows today.
see how nice the weather is, with the smooth breeze.
people started to pour in to faculty for the wifi speed and the breeze at my faculty.

my college corners.
cant help taking these pictures.
God, arent you just as amazing to create all these? 
:)

the second thing is that, i bought another hard disk.
 i dont know whats wrong with me, i get along perfectly with the second things i own.
i was actually having some problems with the first hard disk, damaged partitions or what, but it just works like a charm with the second one.
my friend bought this from singapore with $75 but hes just so nice that he offered me with only 150 Myr. gosh so many angels in my life.
yay.
the third is, my lecturer treated us pizzas today during class! yeah its the first time ever lecturer ordering pizza delivery for us.
hes actually giving thanks for his first born.
Congratulations :D
 


Vegetarian pizza

 and, chicken delight.
sorry i couldnt manage to get the whole beautiful un-eaten pizzas because the boys in my class are animals when they see food. lol

lastly, my fisherman look today to class lol.
 back to the room at 10am to find my macbabe is sun-bathing lol.
sunshine, how can i resist from loving you?
and then, its time for some bird nest.
cough cough.
i am exceptionally happy today, for nothing.
this seldom happens and i am really happy that im happy.
simple. :)

故事


“可以做朋友嗎?” 是一段故事的開始;
“還可以做朋友嗎?” 是一段故事的結束。
不管是开始还是结束,我们的故事早已不再一样了。

Tonight, For You, Amen.

you gave me everythings i need.
you care when i myself dont even care.
forever, ill obey.


我愿意

a few years ago i fell in love with a song 我愿意 by Fay Wong. like totally.
i never understand why because im not always the kind to really into a song for months.
i remember jun told me she couldnt understand why i like the song too because of the lyrics 我无力抗拒 特别是夜里 喔~ 想你到无法呼吸
miss you till cant breathe ah! lololololol

songs come and go and never had one stayed like the song did.
ive long heard it but i re-heard it on a Christmas night back in 2008.
i wept like a baby hearing the lady singing the song up the stage.
 now i know you guys thinking like, what? its just a pop song!
yeah that thought struck me too. but i just cant help.

and then today, this morning, while i was preparing for my praise and worship songs on the coming Sunday, i googled, youtubed the songs which will be sung on Sunday and i came across this youtube video.



and then its like finally.
i understand why. a letter from God, never forget me.

back in 2008, if you guys still remember my creepy past LOL, i fell out of love.
hes just like a marijuana.
i was so miserable that time and i didnt understand how could a boy make me into a zombie, walking, breathing without life.
even Christmas couldnt cheer me up. not a bit.
i could not see, could not hear, could not come up with anything.
was blank.
and today, after ive stood back up, i can see, it is so damn obvious, that God is telling me things.
stop hiding, stop crying, I have something, someone, everything, everyone, better for you.
i couldnt see, i just couldnt that time.

i had a really really really hard time trying to forgive myself for my mistakes to anybody, anything. its even hard to convince myself that God will forgive me for the mistakes.
i knew He certainly would, but its very hard for me to persuade myself that way.
everything was my fault. everything, even the leaf withered and fell down from the tree, its my fault.
._. why did i have that thought?
but its true. i was so tiny that time. seeing things the darkest side. just like a marionette, hanging by the threads dominated by some other people.
and of course, i was away from God, i thought i didnt, but i did without conscious. He didnt leave me but i pushed Him away.
awww bad me.

but its never too late.
ill not say any 'If-s', because if the ifs really do exist, i wont be sitting here blogging right now.
lol did i just say if? haha never mind that.
sad things went on and on and on, ill skip that here, until one day i was on my knees in a camp, telling God : take me fly. this time i wont look back nor carry the past burden with me when youre taking me soar.
and holy, not long after the praying, i swear i can even describe it as flash, i met my boyfie now ._.
haiya, should have made that prayer earlier ma! lol

ive done so many mistakes, so many loopholes in my life, but then,
what do those matter now?

lets listen to the song lagi, my favourite song hehe.


if you think im still not over you yet, you are right. but things are so much different now.