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刚刚上网看了一篇短篇漫画，它归类在少女爱情漫画，但是一点都不少女，一点都不浪漫。故事里两个主角是夫妻，男的很笨拙，女的就是那种在家洗衣煮饭，偶尔兼差到7-eleven那种便利店做工的女子。漫画里说，结婚，不是恋，不是爱，而是一种生活。平平淡淡，粗茶淡饭，日子就那样过。
很像在形容我吧，虽然没一起生活，但也是就那么平平淡淡。再过三个月我就要结婚了，尼玛，日子怎么那么快。要跟一个挑食，又喜欢乱丢东西的男子一起生活，我怕我会家暴啊。一辈子啊，你以为简单吗。老实说，我有些害怕会不会有一天就那么样闷掉了。会不会有一天心累了，会不会有一天我回娘家不想回自己的家了。会不会，会不会。不是我对自己没信心，也不是对萧先生没信心，而是明天的事，谁能知道呢。我也曾经对一个人说过我会永远爱他，不管发生什么事，我都会爱他一辈子。那么，现在呢？
人的永远太短暂，人的心看见得太浅短。除了天父的爱，又有谁可以100%（100%噢，一点都不能少）肯定自己可以永远爱？如果你能，恭喜你，你不是像白纸一样纯洁，就是你遇到的都是好人，再不然就是你还没结婚你们不住在一起。科科。不是我太过现实，而是我看见了你看不到的东西，我看见了人的不完美。
很多时候在我需要他陪伴的时候，他不在。可能是长时间的累积，工作，侍奉，家人，朋友，到了情绪满出来的时候，往往都找不到人。而偏偏，那段情绪满出来的时段，都只是那短短的几分钟。几分钟后，看到信息，我已经不需要了。这就是平淡吗。
我觉得，不论是哪一种性格，每个女子都希望有个人会为了她赴汤蹈火。就想如果我杀了人，我希望萧先生会带着我逃亡，而不会是陪着我去自首。虽然理智是自首是最对的，但是也不免会如此期待。在某种形式上，他时为了我赴汤蹈火的。花了那么多钱买了房子，宁愿每个月做外面的租客，留下他整间房子给我住，就因为我快睡天桥底了。辛辛苦苦的血汗钱，买了那么贵的苹果机给我，就因为觉得它是最好的。
真的，如此地被珍惜。但是我却不一样。是的，在他一无所有的时候，我选择了他。一路走来，从无到有，我们分享了那么多的时光。但是我终究保留了一些，留下一些所谓的后路给自己。后路是希望如果哪一天我们变了，至少我不会体无完肤，至少世界还会剩下那么一小块是没有他的。我每次都说不到最后不会知道，也许这句话有小小地伤害了他一下，但是他不免也赞同。
不到最后，谁会知道呢？
好吧，别那么消极，世界还是美好的。

九月了

最近朋友间的话题，去哪里毕业旅行呀？找到工了吧？做什么工呀？在哪里落脚呀？
嘻嘻哈哈的两个月匆匆地过去了。每天睡到妈妈唠叨了才起床的日子过去了。每天看戏看漫画的日子过去了。
明明知道应该要珍惜，明明真的已经努力珍惜，却还是留不住、却还是走了。
明明知道不可能留住，明明知道总有一天那种日子会结束，却还是忍不住惆怅。

后来，我们慢慢的都长大了。

而那一年九月，我们从此再也没有开学。

hair storm

i was quite fed up with my hair spilt ends for like a few months already. but i couldnt really gather up the guts to cut them because i always want waist length hair. but one day i sat down to think again, if i want black hair back i need to cut the yellow hair off. so, decision made. :D
i chose not to cut it in johor because its very costly, i still remember last time i cut 2 inches off my hair, it costed me 20 bucks. the barber used golden scissors, is it? duh. until today, to be exact, 10 minutes ago, i finally got my butt of the chair to cut it at the salon next to my shoe shop.
i directed the barber to cut 2 inches but he said why dont you cut all the bad hair off as well as the yellow colour off? yeah so i took it, reluctantly to be frank. he moved just a little, in less than 3 minutes, hes done. and it costed me only 5 bucks. screw johor 20 bucks, its 15 bucks cheaper i can buy a lot of tampons to stuck up your door. ROFL im just kidding.
theres not much to talk about my feelings towards the short hair. because its just shorter and it makes my head looks rounder haha. i hope my man can accept that.
so, photo.

jun, i just realized its the same length as yours. XD i think its even shorter than yours.

missing someone?

'Sometimes in life you lose the person closest to you. But you have to stay strong and remember all the good memories with that person. You need to stay happy and tell yourself you’re going to be alright :(' - source taken from Facebook.

yeah, losing someone you least want to lose in your life is excruciating. she may not be dead, just that maybe things are already very different in between you. all you can do is only to reminisce the broken pieces of memory in mind. sometimes you spend time doing something with someone else, you feel like deja-vu, the only difference is that the person whos standing beside you is not the same anymore, and will not be the one youre thinking right now anymore, ever.

many ppl think that its worse if the person is still kicking and participating in your life. for me, forever lost is worse. untouchable, inexpressible. you got no news of hers at all, you dont know you should be happy or should you be sad that shes gone, absolutely out of your life. you miss her, so much that you see her shadow on every body you meet. and then you will realize, shes no her. and then you realize, she has never walked out from you.

God puts everyone in a person's life for something. what are you to me? :)

♛

i always know that my family isnt as perfect, because none is. its inevitable. but i never think of staying away from it as much as i feel right now.
i knew you nag maybe its because i had not done really quite right in making every decisions or moves. and every day i remind myself to be extraordinary clear before i do anything. i thought you could be right, i thought you just wanted me to have a better life. but as time passed, and i observed myself and you, i came to the conclusion that, you just simply love to nag, especially about things that nobody in this family has ever done before.
maybe sometimes you can sit down and think too. maybe i wont fail. maybe i will excel. and maybe you should change.
i cannot tell you things like 'sit calm and think and observe' theory because you all are elder than me, i take that as you all have experienced much more than i did in the past days, and i respect you all.
but sometimes, i really did all my work before any of my decisions. i argued about what i observed and evidence that my decision is the right thing to do, you end the conversation up, ignoring all the facts, with 'you are just heels over head right now'. and i fell silent instantly, for i know that is your final decision and in your mind, im meant to follow it.
for many years i have coped with it already. when my age hit 18, i admit that sometimes, i did things that i reckoned it would work without telling anyone. for those decisions, some i was proven right, and of course, some wrong.
but at least i tried.
maybe this time ill go the traditional family way. maybe ill end up at a better place.
i still love my family, i still respect you guys, i still want to be with you all until we are meant to be separated.
but sometimes im going crazy. tired, perhaps
and now im really really happy that none of my family members knows i own this blog.
if anyone of you still have my blog linked to yours, please remove it. secure me.

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hellowwww good morning world. :B
its 8.20 something now. do i surprise you for waking up at this early? yeah im pretty surprised by myself too.
this is good, to wake up this early, but this, could mean that i was awake since 4am until now, which, just happened to be the fact for this morning. :D
i fell asleep at 1am, despite that i already started lying on bed, prayed, and got ready to sleep at 1045pm.
oowww what the hell right? please dont ask me the reason, im having headache about that too.
i dont deny the sweet dreams i have these days makes up one of the reasons.
you know lah, the feeling the moment you got up and realized its just another sweet dream.
im just feeling screwed. :|
for the record, this does not only happen this morning, but for days already.
its just that i will feel sleepy at about 7 something and i just let myself sleep until the sun shines on my ass.
but today, today is the day! aha! i choose to wake up instead of dozing off and be greatly surprised to found its already 12 or 1pm when i finally wake up, just like few days ago.
oops.
morning is good i love morning. especially the sunshine.
if you are like me, i wonder how long has it been since the last time i wake up early for nothing.
i mean, you dont wake up early for class, for dates, just simply want to feel the morning fresh air.
how far the memory goes.
the sun rises at about 7 something here, and it gets hotter only at 8 something, but usually by that time, im already in a air con room.
jinx it! thats the hotness i wanna feel.
have you lots actually realized, the time is sneaking into may 2011 already?
gah i feel old.
so, world, get up already! you have wasted too much time.
i got the feeling~ today is gonna be a great day, not to mention the best! :D

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and then the cold came, the dark days
when fear crept into my mind
you gave me all your love but i gave you was goodbye

i turned you back
it serves me right to have seen your face on every little ones
and the dream that will never come back again
ever
december, always december 26th

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王子是不是都是王八蛋？