Ask yourself, why?!

im not tall, not pretty, not rich, lazy, messy, not fair, not nice, impudent sometimes, not straight-As kind of smart, not slim, very plump, talkative, not friendly, iced cold, naive, super duper not photogenic, i wear super thick spectacles, i have very bushy black hair, very dry skin.

i dont sing like Gem, i dont cook like Jamie Oliver, i dont strum guitar like 马叔叔 or Sung Jung Ha, i dont play piano like Maxim, i dont play violin like Vanessa Mae, i dont do programming like Mark Zuckerberg, i dont do perfect make up like Michelle Phan.

but what i am is what i am. what i have, you may not have.

i have hands, i have legs, i have straight nose, i have everything perfect for a body, i can talk, i can hear, i can sing, i can dance if i want to, i have a perfect family, i have friends, i have good friends, i have secrets, i have books, i have my bed, i am considerably smart, i dont remember things i dont wanna remember, i am happy all the time, i have the most wonderful years, im graduating soon, i plan for my future career, i plan on my future property, i am independent from parents, i know what i wanna be, i know how i wanna lead my life, i have a perfect boyfie, i have the chances to serve God, i dont waste my time fooling around, i have goals, i have dreams, i have ambitions.

i have everything i need to lead a good life, maybe even more than i need, then why should i frigging waste my time feeling envious of others being pretty, slim, sexy, nice, rich, play instruments like nobody can, photogenic, blah blah blah. why should i frigging waste another second thinking why cant i be them. why must i waste my best time emo-ing in things i cant control, why should i kill myself with thoughts so negative that they will eat up my inner beauty. why?!

screw the why-s. i am satisfied enough and i definitely have better things to do.

♛

sometimes i really wish i dont know certain things. they may not be something related to me, but its so saddening to know. for example, a dog is treated badly by someone you know, maybe your next door. you saw it, you heard it, but what else can you do? besides whining about they shouldnt do so. or, someone is at his edge, crying, begging, worrying about his old and weak parents and both of you are so far away from home.

these are just examples.

whats so sad is that there is nothing at all you can do. helpless, thats called. i wish to be indifferent because i need to be distracted very hard to fight back this helpless feelings.

human beings are those of the wonderful creations of God. He puts mind and the ability to think into humans, which makes us different and special from the other living things.
we are given freedom to think of what we want to, but i dont deny that this ability is very hard to control. depression, happy, glad, break down, everything in just one mortal body. and we start to get obnoxious about everything we deal with everyday.

small, weak and fragile, arent we?

mood swing

hello guys!
i love holidays and its finally here, my mid sem break!
i was initially planning to go up to KL as soon as Friday or Saturday and stay with my sister for a couple of days before coming back down to rush all of my projects and assignments, aiming to give myself a better life after mid sem break.
every of my lecturers gave us tonnes of work to do, every of them thought they were the only subject which gave mid sem work.
fml, i have more and more projects and documentations to complete!
and my sister postponed her back trip to KL, she will only reach KL at 2300 on Monday night.
i was forced to change my ticket to Tuesday morning T.T so much later.
losing my external hard disk means a really tough life for me.
i saved all my work in there and now its gone i have to redo all the documentations to be filed as the final report.
so tough. so tough.
but its holiday still, means something.

happy holiday!