♛

i always know that my family isnt as perfect, because none is. its inevitable. but i never think of staying away from it as much as i feel right now.
i knew you nag maybe its because i had not done really quite right in making every decisions or moves. and every day i remind myself to be extraordinary clear before i do anything. i thought you could be right, i thought you just wanted me to have a better life. but as time passed, and i observed myself and you, i came to the conclusion that, you just simply love to nag, especially about things that nobody in this family has ever done before.
maybe sometimes you can sit down and think too. maybe i wont fail. maybe i will excel. and maybe you should change.
i cannot tell you things like 'sit calm and think and observe' theory because you all are elder than me, i take that as you all have experienced much more than i did in the past days, and i respect you all.
but sometimes, i really did all my work before any of my decisions. i argued about what i observed and evidence that my decision is the right thing to do, you end the conversation up, ignoring all the facts, with 'you are just heels over head right now'. and i fell silent instantly, for i know that is your final decision and in your mind, im meant to follow it.
for many years i have coped with it already. when my age hit 18, i admit that sometimes, i did things that i reckoned it would work without telling anyone. for those decisions, some i was proven right, and of course, some wrong.
but at least i tried.
maybe this time ill go the traditional family way. maybe ill end up at a better place.
i still love my family, i still respect you guys, i still want to be with you all until we are meant to be separated.
but sometimes im going crazy. tired, perhaps
and now im really really happy that none of my family members knows i own this blog.
if anyone of you still have my blog linked to yours, please remove it. secure me.