Update

hey peepo! its Saturday again. time flies right? i can still remember vividly myself whining about passed Monday the moment i woke up on Monday morning. still, everyday is just another day closer to the end of internship :D

i guess im too inactive in social media that its actually forgivable that some dont remember theres a person as me already. life is dull. i dont have much entertainment, unless if you consider working and going to church as entertainment. i dont see many ppl, apart from my colleagues inevitably, and the only person i see constantly every day, it is not because we go out dating or something like that, its because we go to work together lol.

we hardly date. we dont have time to date. he doesnt have time to date.

i dont know if there are any more ppl out there besides me, who actually thinks that she owns the best boyfriend in the world lol, but i actually do. he will give me everything, even before he owns anything. i mean, where on earth can you find a guy like this?! still, nobody is perfect. he is too busy, so busy that his weekend schedule is already full straight down until March. /.\ jin sad.

he hardly has time to go even for a 2 hours movie like he actually did have last Saturday. he had the whole afternoon and we went to church to help out on the Christmas card making. i was a little bit disappointed because he initially promised me that we would go for shopping that afternoon, right after the visitation to the newborn, Jordan. OKAY LAH, i admit, i was very disappointed, but what to do? church event was really lacked of manpower. so we gave.

i was disappointed, i was not furious. thats the main tricky thing to have a busy boyfriend. you cant get furious because you have no reason to get furious. he has reasons to be busy, not excuses. he has to, needs to, must be somewhere else, even though at the moment you need him too to be by your side. strange little world. and then he will leave me, bits by bits, disappointment each time, and its not fading until eventually, i stop hoping.

only God knows how hard it is to fight down the feelings. you are disappointed, but you need to swallow it down and be understanding. not once, not twice, this happens again and again, and it has no sign to stop.

i totally agree that a woman's life should not be totally occupied with only a man. she needs friends. i need friends. and i have friends. the only difference is that, my friends who can make the disappointment to go away, they are not around me. yes, they are all just a phone screen away, but that is exactly what makes the difference.

when i say, friends who can make the disappointment to go away, it doesnt mean that i will tell them the feelings. it means, we friends can hang out and have our own entertainment and bonding time to make boyfriends smaller. and with them not around me, i cant do so. and i dont like to bombard them with my very dark feelings that will actually alter theirs too. its a burden, to carry other ppl's feelings. havent you ever wondered why psychiatrist earn that much? lol.

im actually, seriously, jealous when i browse through Facebook, Instagram or Dayre, i saw ppl having fun. lol how sick am i!

lets just stop here. it will take the whole lot days for me to whine about this. i will go to JPO this evening, maybe. MAYBE. lets just hope this is not gonna to be another disappointment.

gotta go, i need to help boyfie to do his work. im not secretary Lim HAHAHAHA.
xoxo, until next time.